If you have a family member with a mental disorder you are not alone. The purpose of my blog is to let others know that there are things you can do as a loved one. You are one of millions who deal with it every day. It is not easy. Saying that it is hard can, on some days be an understatement. I will not lie to you, I am not even sure how I have done it. Mainly because my wife is my best friend and the most fun person to be around during the good times. I am not a doctor, a nurse, a councilor, etc. and I sure as hell am not a writer. I have however, been exposed to many different mental health issues over the last 20 years with many more to follow. My wife of 18yrs as of Jun 2014, has been struggling with one mental health issue after another. I hope through my life story and what I have been through can help others that are finding themselves struggling. I hope to help shed some light, knowledge/experience so that others may find ways to cope or to help their loved ones get the help they need. Even if the person with the illness is not a spouse, Hell even a co-worker, I hope that with this blog you can find guidance or ideas or even get a better understanding of what they are going through and how you can help.
In 1994 I met my future wife on a school bus in high school coming home from a cross country meet. She was one of the last runners on the bus and was the new girl (she was a military brat and had just moved to the area/school). Since no one knew her and didn't let her sit anywhere I said she could sit with me. We talked a lot since it was a long ride. Even though we had just met we got to know each other quite well. We were both pretty shy, maybe that is why we didn't say anything when our butts touched several times. At the end of the night/ride we said goodbye to each other and went on home. We saw each other just about every day and said hi. We attended a meeting together for Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA)and at the end of the meeting she started to walk home. It was dark and late so I couldn't let her walk so I drove her home...oh yeah I didn't have my license. I started waiting by my lockers longer just to see her. Little did I know she changed her "route" so she could walk by my locker every day so she could see me. Well one day I finally asked her out on a date. It really wasn't much of a date. She wrote for the school newspaper and had to cover the basketball game. I asked if I could join her. I paid her way and got her a soda (which she took one drink from and left the rest and I still tease her about it). So I guess you could say we were on a date. Oh and we sat next to a NFL full back so that was another highlight. Since I was the President of FCA I asked him to be a guest speaker at our next meeting. He said sure but something about playing in the NFL kept him pretty busy. Anyways, after a few more days and talking a little more I asked her out again in a cheesy way. I said "people are asking if we are going out. I don't answer them." she said "yeah they ask me too." I replied with "you can tell them yes if you want to?" So there we were boyfriend and girlfriend. We/I had many cheesy lines to come...our first time holding hands we were walking down a street at night with no street lights. I said I was scared and I needed her to hold my hand so I wouldn't be scared anymore. As cheesy as it was it worked. I even told her she had something on her butt and I needed to brush it off, that worked too. What a nice runners butt she had. Everything was going great. We never argued. We got along very well and never got tired of each other.
I know you are trying to figure out when the mental health comes into play. Well it's on the way...little did I know I would be a trigger (something like a smell, an action, or a sound that sets off mental reminders that make the person react in a specific manner depending on the trigger and the mental health disorder). Turns out she was sexually abused and when we started kissing and "fooling around" (which would eventually lead to sex later on), that started the problems. Now I know it wasn't necessarily me, it could have been whoever she ended up with, but I set off the trigger that would affect the rest of our lives.
As I said before each trigger, each illness and each reaction can/will differ on each person. There are so many variables that come into play. So please take all this into consideration when you try to help someone. PLEASE do not blame me or come back at me if you try something and it doesn't help or makes it worse. Always consult a professional first. Things that I mention on this blog has helped me and I just hope it gives you tools to help you as well as giving you the relief that you are not alone.
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