I will now start transitioning from "story telling" to certain events. I am not sure as how the timeline will work so it may jump around a little...
Rachael and I finally made it to my next duty assignment. We have met with family members and told them what had been going on. To say the least they were very shocked at what had been going happening. They were there to support in every way they could but really had no idea how to, to be honest neither did I.
For the next few months Rachael went through many "tests" trying to figure stuff out. She had even been to several psychologists and counselors. She would stay with one for a visit or two and then something would be said that she didn't like and she was gone. She would literally walk out in the middle of the session. I have to say I was really getting irritated when she left. I just could not understand why she was so angry. She was getting mad when one of the counselors would diagnose her. She would say things like "how the hell would she know what's wrong? She/He just met me." or "I didn't like her/him so I left" I just didn't get it. How the hell are you supposed to get better if you keep walking out just because you didn't like what she had to say. After all they were only trying to help. There were a few times I was so mad that I didn't want to talk to her. I wanted to shake her (you know almost like to shake some sense into someone). I never did. I had to come up with a way to calm her and myself. I slowly realized that this was part of her mental state. We didn't know it then but one of the symptoms/behaviors was to "punish" yourself so anything that would help her she wanted nothing to do with it.
Rachael was diagnosed with Borderline personality, Bipolar, manic depression, PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) were some of the few things she was told. She did not believe any of it. I am not sure what she thought. I guess she was just in denial. Almost as if none of these things could possibly be her.
When someone (at least in my experience) has a mental illness the person thinks that it is everyone else around them. In other words she is fine and no one knows what they are talking about. The biggest thing that I have found is that if the person doesn't want to help themselves then there is nothing we can do. This is where we where at. Rachael knew that there was something wrong and she did not have any "disease" that she didn't want to have. All the diagnoses were wrong and so were the people who gave her that diagnoses. She was ok with depression and PTSD just nothing else, and she definitely was not ok with anyone telling her otherwise. I think maybe because of the "status" that people who have mental illness were given she didn't want to have anything. How would people treat her or what would they think about her. We would find out later that she was treated different and was "labeled". People did treat her different. They even talked to her differently.
So what helped? Talking, talking and more talking. You have to show your patience in this. Patience the key. If you don't have any you better find some quick. Also thick skin. Many of these illnesses make the person verbally hurt the ones they love. The loved one becomes the target. They (the one with the illness) don't mean to it just happens. They don't think they deserve you and so they will give you reasons to leave. Stand strong because once that feeling is gone they will be thankful you are still there. Sorry that will be for another day.
Let's get back to getting her therapy and sticking with it. I had mentioned talking. Together you have to talk so you can understand what is going on and how you can keep them in therapy. Most important thing, talk to them on the good day, on the "up" side of their "mood". Set boundaries and limits. Set the guidelines so that every party is aware of what is expected. This worked wonders for me. Unfortunately I didn't know this for many years to come and could have saved much heartache. Let them know that it is ok to be diagnosed with something. Rachael had to be willing to let someone help her otherwise nothing would get better. It also would help the Dr.'s with the right medications. We went through so many medications it was ridiculous. Some made her worse and others did nothing. Also practice the patience. When Rachael used to be so mean trying to hurt me (she was really trying to hurt herself by doing this as I said before) I had to learn to let the words fall off me like the rain. There were and still are many times she would say something and later on when we would talk about she would have no clue what I was talking about. It is very easy to fall into the "game" and retaliate but this only makes things worse. Take a step back catch your breath and step back in when you are good. Once the "episode" is finished, tell them that you are not mad and do something with them. Something that will change the mood and you may even enjoy. This worked several times for me. Reassure them that everything is and will be ok. You can do this find the good times and think about them. Work together and stay strong.
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